


But We Were

by tired_tart



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: For Days, Other, Sorry for ooc, havent watched the whole play ;-;, i suck, just an opposite Au, just listened to each song multiple time, like if everything was true and no one believe evan, may just be small chapters, tree boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 11:55:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13570086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tired_tart/pseuds/tired_tart
Summary: Another thing I just had to write or I'll go insane... yes I'm procrastinating.Evan's story of a true friend





	But We Were

**Author's Note:**

> sorry it will be le shiity

We met sophomore year. Well we didn't meet sophomore year, we knew of each other's existence, well not as far as that! We had a class together and lunch, and we would run into each other and I obviously knew Zoe because of my big crush on her, but I'm not a stalker! Oh god... let me begin again. Connor and I met sophomore year. It was January and we were suffering. My schedule made a change since I took a semester class so I couldn't make a small idle 'hello' to Jared to pretend I had friends, well we were technically friends... just family friends. Anyway, my schedule changed only two subjects, my lunch and environmental science class. It changed to Connor's lunch. I sat in my usual spot, outside under a tree. I sat quietly, watching everybody, wondering what they were talking about. I imagined me talking to them about whatever they were talking about. I was lost in my thoughts when I noticed someone staring. I didn't dare make eye contact, but I heard a sigh and watched black boots turn around and walk away. That was the start of everything. 

The next day, I took my same spot, except left room for the person wearing black boots. This time I brought something for me to do so I wouldn't just stare at the few who enjoyed the winter air. At almost the exact same time, the person in black boots came. I didn't look once again, but there was a bigger pause, a scoff, then the boots turned like before and walked away. This time I gained the courage to look up, I recognized the signature black jacket and messenger bag. It was Connor Murphy. I looked down once more and dreaded sitting here... maybe I should just move? But where should I go?

The third day I had forgotten about Connor and sat on the side of the tree. I only remembered when I had sat myself down and had been mid-bite, but I couldn't get up now. Everyone would look at the loner sophomore kid who is going to randomly leave because he didn't wanna face Connor Murphy. I didn't want to tell Jared about my predicament because I didn't want him to laugh at me for another thing.  I just continued to eat. I hoped to eat fast enough to leave, but Connor never appeared. I thanked him mentally and slowed my pace, didn't want to choke at school and be known as the boy who decided to eat fast to avoid Connor Murphy and choked.

Connor didn't appear the fourth or fifth day either, but I had seen him in earlier so I assumed he was just not here. At lunch of course. I worked up the courage to talk to him on Monday.

Plan failed. Well it didn't fail, I just wasn't there today. ... I wasn't at school! Not like there at the tree, I was not avoiding Connor! I just was... sick. Sick! My mom let me stay home today so I didn't go to school and I didn't see Connor!

Tuesday... I felt my palms sweat and my brain overwork itself, repeating what I would say to Connor, "Connor, you can sit here if you want!" No yelling at the end though, less excited, less like I've been practicing it and more like it's natural and I don't have anxiety. Connor walked towards the tree. I finally looked up to see him look at me eye to eye. He looked so mad, mad at me? Was me sitting here that bad? How long had I been staring at him before he scoffed and started to turn. I stuttered out his name, and he stopped and glanced back.

"What?" We continued eye contact. I felt my whole body tense up and my mouth open to start forming a sentence, to start forming anything! I was frozen

"Spit it out!" People were staring. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I  **can't** do it. My eyes darted from Connor to the people looking at us and whispering and back to Connor. He looked uncomfortable with the stairs, but used to it. How was he used to it? I couldn't understand. He clenched his fist tightly. His knuckles were white. He hated what was happening. He hated the staring. He hated the people. He hated me. He hated me for sitting here and taking his spot. It was a great spot. When it was warmer, the tree would be a great napping stop. It was perfect for photos and was often bombarded during the first days of it having leaves once again. I would avoid it then, but after the spring craze, it would be mine for a few minutes. I would stay under the tree, shaded from the sun, and relax. I would sometimes not eat, to just enjoy the few rays of sun that hit me through the trees. I took that away from him. 

Connor quickly turned away and walked off and lifted his hood to cover his head before he headed inside to wherever he goes. I felt sick, I'm glad I didn't eat lunch. If I had, I would've thrown up. Maybe that would've gotten Connor to pity the poor kid with a crippling anxiety who could barely handle a conversation, maybe that would've been the bridge to us sitting next to each other at lunch. I only slouched and avoided looking at anyone for the rest of the day. I even avoided my mom's gaze as she came home. I just looked at the wall and failed to realize that I had fallen asleep without doing any homework. My mom let me stay home once again. I didn't even try to get up out of bed. She walked in on me not out of bed, staring at the ceiling. I caught her gaze for a second before she wished me goodbye, to feel better, and that she'll see me later.

I came back Friday. Jared asked why I wasn't at school. "Were you masturbating that much?"

"No, I was just," recovering from the semi-traumatic experience of me trying to make friends "s-skipping."

"Ok, don't admit it. See you."

"O-Ok... see you." I said to no one. He was gone into the crowd like I had just been talking to myself.

Oh god, was I just talking to myself? It didn't matter as I was soon lost in the crowd, being pulled and pushed towards my next class before lunch.

I debated whether I should actually go today. Maybe just pretend I'm absent once again and leave it for Monday's problem... once again. It's a vicious cycle. Maybe I should just find a new spot outside. No! I was going to do it today! I took some hesitant steps towards the tree. I had gotten there later than usual, so Connor was already there. He looked out among the crowd with vacant eyes. When they landed on me, they were specked with rage. My legs were shaking. "What do you want now?"

"Uh- I- Um- Uh-"

"Uh, I, uh, um, what?" he snarled a bit, gaining a few glances from the tables closest to us.

"I, uh, c-can I sit here? With you?" I told him in a small voice. I hate admitting that I said it so quickly that the people who were staring barely knew what I said. Connor looked surprised. He looked away from my eyes and scooched to where I usually leave room. I gave a happy sigh and sat down. "Thanks."

I'm not sure if he actually replied, but I think he said, "It's no problem."

We sat in silence for that period and awkwardly walked to the our next class. Which was Algebra 2 and we had it together. I walked a little bit slower so we weren't just awkwardly walking next to each other, but I guess Connor had the same idea and we started to walk slower. We just continued at the same pace in an uncomfortable silence. We walked in at the same time and took out seats which were luckily so far apart.

I took the weekend to relax and celebrate my small victory. 

Monday Connor and I sat next to each other, not speaking, and walking next to each other to Algebra 2, not speaking again. We continued in that same pattern during the week and uncomfortable and awkward silence turned into a nice silence. We were comfortable sitting in silence together. At least I was. I hope Connor was.

Another Monday came by and Connor said something to me.

"I'm going to be honest Hansen, I'm struggling with Algebra 2. Can I email you some questions about it?"

"U-Uh sure! Feel free to ask me anything, uh, um," I struggled with a notebook paper that I ended up ripping before writing me email, "here. Just uh, email me whenever."

"Thanks Hansen, I'll email you later."

"E-Evan."

"What?"

"My first name. You can call me by it, H-Hansen is just so formal. Can-Can I call you Connor?"

"Um... sure."

I felt my heart beat a little faster. I was happy. I made a friend? All on my own? It won't be just Jared, I can make friends! Unless Connor plans on never emailing me and we just continue in this silence forever.

He emailed me that afternoon. It was only two hours after school. It was very minimalist.

**From c.murph@gmail.com**

' _hey, its connor murphy, i need help with the log functions and shit, if we can meet up today or you just help me tomorrow is chill'_

Ok, be cool! 

**From evhansen@gmail.com**

' _Of course! My parents aren't here so you could come over or I could go to your house or if you don't want to I can just help you during lunch tomorrow. Do you have the textbook at your house? I can bring mine.'_

**From c.murph@gmail.com**

_'not my house, ill come over, send me your address'_

I quickly typed my address and sent it. ' _k, itll be around 10 or so minutes_ '

I quickly cleaned up and made some Hot Pockets that I was supposed to have like several days ago. The door knocked and my microwave dinged. I went to the door first. "Uh hey Connor, sorry if it's kind of messy. I made Hot Pockets though."

"Oh thanks." he replied sheepishly as he walked in. We set up on my kitchen counter and I grabbed the Hot Pockets and put them on the table. I offered drinks and he declined. I grabbed myself some water. We sat down as I explained the chapter from the beginning. "Wait, why're we starting from the beginning?"

"Because I know you've been sleeping in class since we started this chapter. N-Not that I've been looking at you, it's just that I sit in the back and all, so I can see everyone and you just never participate and always laying on your head and sometimes you snore a bit." Connor looked at me wide-eyed for a bit like no one's ever noticed him. He gave a small laugh after a while at my slight panic, and at that moment, I felt like we could become close.

Connor ended up getting a B+. He emailed me about it and thanked me. I congratulated him and I felt happy. He emailed me later, probably high off his rocker.

**From c.murph@gmail.com**

' _ok so, i, i kno w we dont really know each oth erbut, i have no one else. i am so hi gh right now that like, i cant type well ,but anyway, im jusdt so asd. wh y did you wanna sit wirh me?'_

**From c.murph@gmail.com**

' _i uhh sorry, forgatt hat last thnign'_

**From evhansen@gmail.com**

_'Why I sat with you? Honestly, no clue. Maybe I felt bad or maybe I just wanna connect with someone, but I'm kinda glad I did. I enjoy sitting with you at lunch and teaching you the log functions. If you're sad, you can talk about it! I can maybe help, my therapist tells me a few things, like you can go on walks or something! But not right now! You're high and we don't want you wandering around high! i can send some tree photos if you want, they're really relaxing and I took some of them.'_

**From c.murph@gmail.com**

_'sure evan, id like that'_

 


End file.
